Well I did it. Student teaching is now part of my past. I am still in shock. I thought about student teaching years ago and it would terrify me and I would think of countless ways to get out of student teaching. I finally realized that it was just easier to finish out the program, rather than return and finish later. I think the economy and severe lack of jobs had a lot to do with my attitude towards it, but I knew it was smarter to finish now than to start all over later. So with some savings in the bank, no immune system, and an open mind, I dove head first into the whole experience.

I cannot even tell you how much I learned throughout the past 16 weeks. I think back to what I thought I knew in the beginning of my first placement and what I know now. I really know for a fact that God blessed me and was involved in every detail of this whole experience…yes, even the pneumonia and the horrid TPAs (I now know I am stronger than I think and can persevere through major things).

I remember not particularly loving my second placement with the 4th graders and now I think about how much we both grew to like each other. I walked in on my last day and there were a LINE of 4th graders waiting to give me gifts! I was shocked. I got giftcards, cookies, chocolate, roses, pajamas, wine bottle covers (?), jewelry (I was at a wealthy school and my master teacher told me later that the jewelry I received was in fact real…I was shocked), lotions, and the best thing of all was a book of letters from every student. Some of my favorites lines:

“You told us you were not that good at violin but when you played for us, it made me want to pop my ears out you are like SUPER PRO!!!” (Anyone want to tell me what ‘popping ears out’ means? I am not up with the current lingo apparently).

“You are the best math teacher I have ever had because I have never ever gotten a 4 on my report card, I have only got 3s, and I got a 4 now!”

“You always helped every one of us, I always saw you helping the kids that didn’t understand and I know you cared about us”

It’s amazing how much their words mean. It’s amazing that they saw all that even on the days when I felt like punching someone, or the days when I had headaches.

On my last day, I put little notes in every teacher’s box to let them know I am available for subbing. I will be subbing for my master teacher for a week in February, and another 4th grade teacher offered me a couple days as well. I just have to pray my paperwork is processed and everything is good to go by then.

Now, what comes next? I have a few options that I am not quite ready to share yet, but I know life as I know it will be changing. Pray for me as I embark on this next step of the journey and finding the right job. I want to thank you if you are reading this. It means a lot to me that I had so much support through this crazy semester and I appreciate the time people took to follow this blog.

I will now turn my ‘Tumblr’ into a normal blog about my life, not just teaching.

I can’t believe just one short week is left of the chaos of student teaching. As tiring and overwhelming as it all was, there is nothing that would’ve prepared me better than this whole experience.

I sit here and write this as I am sick. Yes, again. I thought my blood would have been composed of Airborne by now. But at least it’s the weekend.

Next week, I am going to take advantage of observing other teachers, as this is one of the last times in my life that I will be able to watch other teachers. I am going to see every 5th and 6th grade classroom on my campus, since those are the grades I have had no experience in. The teachers at the school I am at are AMAZING. The school itself is out of this world and one of the highest in the state. They have a full time PE program (that is unheard of these days, but they fund raise for it), band, orchestra, recorders, choir, and a Hungarian dance instructor. It’s awesome having so many things to look forward to throughout the day (and I never have to stay after school because I get to plan during all these things), but I know that I should enjoy this environment while I can, since wherever I end up will definitely not be like this school.

I am done with full time instruction, as I have been in full control of the class for the last 2 weeks. My master teacher wasn’t even in the class 90% of the time. For my last week, I will continue to teach math. I know this week will fly by. Friday we are done at 11:40 and we are having my going away party. Then my master teacher is taking me ‘somewhere nice’ for lunch (I am grateful, but would have been more grateful for a gift card or something ha).

I finally know why God placed me in this placement now. My first placement I got to see a strict, orderly, perfectly organized class. It was awesome for me. But I went into this 2nd placement expecting it to be like that first one. This class was the opposite. Super disorganized, no rules…so it drove me crazy. But my master teacher is one of the most patient, nice, and loving people I have ever known, even though I might not agree with some of her classroom management routines. I definitely believe God wanted me to remember to not have such high expectations and to show more compassion. It was also hard to compare these two situations as my first placement had poverty level kids and these kids come from millionaire families. I realized all this on Thursday when they performed their Christmas program. My best friend came to see it and meet everyone, and we were laughing about something when one of the kids said ‘Wow, I have never seen Ms. Bechtel so happy!’. I didn’t like hearing that, but it’s so hard to have patience all day long when you have to repeat things 5 times because they won’t stop talking. I definitely know what I want in my classroom now and how to balance both worlds. I am so thankful that I had 2 placements that couldn’t have been more different.

I can’t even believe it. Sorry for my lack of updates this placement. It has been harder for me to find things to post about. This placement has definitely taught me new things in different ways.

At first, I was extremely frustrated with how the classroom functioned because it wasn’t affective to me. There was way more chaos than I was used to and I knew I wouldn’t be able to teach in that environment. Luckily, even though my master teacher and I see differently on classroom management, she was very open for changing it up (especially after she had a meltdown during a bad day with the class). I have learned from all this that…noise is okay. It doesn’t have to be silent all the time. It’s the trying to yell over everyone that kills me. Good thing my voice is strong.

We have been working hard on our 4th grade Christmas program (we never had that when I was in school! This school is unbelievable with the arts). So lots of rehearsals and singing our songs during independent work. Our performance is Thursday and it will be awesome. There is a potluck after and all the moms are making food. It’s going to be awesoooome. Then next week we have our recorder concert, where they will play what they have learned (I hope they get better by next week…haha).

Last week and this week are my full time teaching weeks and she has been out of the room, and sometimes even off campus, all day. This has been extremely less stressful on both of us and I finally got the feeling of how I would function as a teacher with my own classroom. The first couple days were rough as I didn’t have her in the back of the room to question little details during the day, but this is the best way to learn. Thursday and Friday were probably my best teaching days ever. We had fun, we learned, we joked, and I established authority finally. I finally learned to love these kids just like Jesus does. They were a hard bunch to warm up to, but I am so glad I am able to love them now, and can only hope it goes both ways.

Tonight was my last class on Biola’s campus ever (unless I return for my masters…which I will…but it will be online). I wanted to cry as I was walking to my car. Can’t believe how much I have grown and learned there. Our student teaching seminar class was awesome and we had the best professor in the history of teaching. He was unbelievable and would pray for each of us by name all the time. I truly believe that is why I have stayed healthy after my pneumonia…because of people in prayer. I could have easily gotten sick this placement, as I was constantly exposed to it…but I didn’t. I cannot say enough good things about the teacher prep/credentialing program at Biola. They prepared me in every way possible, and the best thing is that they have developed my spiritual character so that I will integrate my faith into the classroom.

In 2 weeks I will be credentialed. And unemployed still.

…to speak to you. I recently went to youth convention in San Diego, with my current church. They really needed leaders and the only thing I was going to miss was Black Friday shopping, which let’s be honest, student teaching doesn’t provide any income so that would have been a waste of time.

I knew that I needed to hear God’s voice that weekend, because I hadn’t been on a retreat like that since like… HIGH SCHOOL. Wow. Phil Wickham was leading worship the entire weekend and I am a huge fan, so I knew this would be amazing. I didn’t know how amazing though. I was so sick of going through life, not feeling like I was on fire for God. I went from church to church, missing my church back in Visalia, but knowing that it wasn’t the same because what I was missing was being in a youth group, and I am an adult now (whether I choose to believe that or not). This weekend reminded me of how great Jesus’ love is for us. I love feeling His presence in the room, and having speakers that are so grounded in the word that they can pick out verses that are so personally applicable to your life that you feel like he is directing the message at you.

Even though it was awesome, I now face the aftermath. The message focused on ‘Being the Change’ and affecting those in your everyday life so that you are making a difference for Jesus, no matter how small of a difference you are capable of. The decisions you make can affect others so dynamically, we can’t even comprehend the affect we can have on people.

I always hate how everyone goes on church retreat, comes back on fire, and a month later life is the same. IT NEVER FAILS. However, this CHANGE is within our power. We have to fix our mentality as human beings to overpower the urge to return to our wordly, ‘normal’ lifestyle. Do we not realize that this is where we experience all of our pain and suffering? When we are not living for God? I realize it even when I am caught up in the world, yet it is still so hard to get in the right mindset.

Lately, I have been thinking about all my mistakes and how much my testimony has changed since senior year of high school. I am the kind of person that holds emotions inside, and most the time I can’t even FEEL anything. It hurts more to lack emotions than to deal with them, in case you were wondering. So now, 3 years later, I am dealing with the effects of my decisions and how much I regret them. But this weekend showed me to focus on what I can do in the future, not what I have already done. I know the enemy wants me to focus on those things so that I feel weak and worthless, but I know He has enabled me for greater things.

That was what God did for me and I am going to do my best not to fall back into my normal, boring life. I was in charge of 3 amazing 6th grade girls that weekend who really blessed me. One would worship with her arms raised and would encourage the other two to join her. Their innocence is refreshing, as they are right before that age where temptation starts to control your life. The Wednesday after convention, one of them got up to share what God had done in her life that weekend, and I was just crying like a proud mom hahaha. It’s great to feel this way again and it’s even greater to see that others are feeling the same way.

I never write about this placement, but my last placement I was doing 2 entries a week?

Yeah. That about sums everything up.

Why has this second placement been so much harder than the first? We have tons of days off and it is supposed to fly by. I can barely get through this 3 day week.

I am in need for prayer about my attitude in this placement. My master teacher is very sweet, but is the most unorganized person I have ever met. I am the complete opposite. I feel like organization is a MUST as a teacher, and she lacks a lot of skills in this area. All day long I hear ‘Ms. Bechtel, can you bring me my….I can’t find it….you remember where it was right…I am trying to think where…oh my gosh it’s right here can you believe it?!’. Yes, actually I can believe that. That happens all day long and it is running my patience thin. It sounds like a little thing, but it causes her to have me do things FOR her because she spends all this time trying to find stuff. Today, she had to finish making copies in the office because she lost the other copies, so she has me go open the class, and start it up. She also has me do her recess and after school duties for her (and she didn’t even tell me the rules or what I am supposed to be doing out there) because she ‘needs to search for such and such’. I found out she has a student teacher every semester and this has to be why because she constantly makes comments like ’ I don’t know what I would do without another person!’.

The worst part of all this for me is that she has no rules for her students, so they are crazy and it drives ME crazy. When I get up there to teach, I cannot just enforce new rules, it has to be consistent. So I have had to adjust to kids just walking around and doing what they want. I can tell them to sit down and be quiet all day long, but since there are no consequences in affect, that doesn’t do anything. She also doesn’t write out the plans for the day until the AFTERNOON BEFORE. Sometimes it is after I have left, so I literally find out the DAY OF, when and what is going on that day. Do you know how impossible that makes it to lesson plan? I just have to write my plans and see which subjects are actually going to make the cut.

It is so hard, and my attitude is so bad about all of this because I feel like her slave and I am never nice to the kids because I am too exhausted from them being crazy. I hardly talk to my master teacher because she always is just telling me what to do. She leaves when I teach so that tells me right there that she has no interest in building a relationship with me, she just wants an assistant. Today I just gave the kids worksheets for a math lesson and I felt awful, but I just sat there and thought ‘my heart is not in this because of all these different factors’.

I know things will be entirely different, like my last placement, when I have my own classroom.

I remember Halloween being very exciting when I was in 4th grade. Even today, I still get excited about what people are going to dress up as. This year, I got to dress up with the kids on Friday. I chose to be a butterfly. Well, I didn’t really choose, because all I had were some wings I had bought on clearance last year. If it weren’t for those, I would have had to wear a baseball tee and my cleats and be a baseball player.

Some schools aren’t allowed to dress up, but there were not many rules at our school (no toy weapons, and no fake blood or scary stuff). I got asked a lot by the kids ‘what I was supposed to be’, which is still insulting as an adult. I also got asked if I was a ‘dark angel’, which must be some new character from when I was a child. I clearly was a butterfly, I even had antennae with flowers at the top. The black dress must have thrown them off, but butterflies are definitely black with colorful wings.

We had a lot of fun on Friday. I loved seeing the kids in costume and the Kindergartners went to every class and paraded their costumes for everyone. So cute. Only one kid in Kindergarten was not dressed up, and he said he was himself. hahaha. The only downer of the day was when my teacher made me read ‘Old Yeller’ to them after lunch, and it is at the AWFUL PART OF THE STORY. I  was hoping they wouldn’t notice I was choking up. I immediately shifted their attention to the fact that we were having a party with lots of candy! A lot of parents came and helped out (something I am not used to seeing) and they snapped a lot of pictures of the whole day (including me…which I wanted to ask ‘do you even know who I am yet?’). All in all, a great day and I am finally getting to know the students.

Let’s hope this next week is not super crazy and I adjust some more.

My 2nd placement has begun. Week 1 is done. It has not been an easy adjustment. My pneumonia is finally, FINALLY, on it’s way out of my body hopefully, with no relapses. I am excited to function in this placement with my health back at my side.

This school is very different than my last, and that’s probably why some of my adjustment has been hard. My teacher has…not a lot of control of her class…at least that’s how it seems so far. I have seen a ‘normal’ day once, which was still crazy, and I am supposed to take over a subject next week. I find myself sitting in the back of the class, observing, and thinking about my 2nd graders 90% of the time. This is probably just a hard part of the adjustment, but there hasn’t been as warm as a feeling at this placement yet. I know this has gotta be natural because I didn’t start the year off at this school, like I did at my old one.

My master teacher just had surgery on her hand and we had a sub for the end of this week. It was like a different class with the sub, and now I see they can behave at least when the classroom management is changed. You see, my master teacher wears a microphone when she teaches…it’s Britney Spears style so it’s like a headband that comes around to her mouth and then the speaker hooks to her belt and projects from there. It’s unreal. She laughs about it saying that ‘I just can’t talk over them without this thing’, and I am just sitting there thinking ‘that’s the dumbest thing ever. you let them get this loud.’ She is great and a very sweet lady, but she is not my style at all. My last teacher was strict and organized and we worked great together. This one is different, and it’s going to be a challenge for me because I just can’t implement her discipline (lack there of). I can’t handle when kids are up WALKING AROUND during lessons and talking whenever they want. I just can’t. I want them all to learn.

With the sub there, I watched these students closely and noticed habits so I can know what to expect when I am teaching. I saw 8 of them come back and get band aids…just because they were bored and also because my teacher has put a box of them on her desk for them to use whenever. They go to the bathroom all the time. I confiscated 3 notes being passed. I took a girl’s baggie with her tooth in it JUST as she was about to clap the baggie full of air, pop it, and send her tooth God knows where.

Anyways, it will be interesting to see what these next weeks bring and what God is teaching me through all of this. I do like upper grades in that they are gone a lot…to PE, music, tech lab…so that’s nice. The staff has been pretty good but I have no idea who most of them are since there are three times as many than my last school. At the last placement, 3 of us ate lunch in the staff room. This one, there are like 15 of us. I love lunch. Sometimes I find myself thinking about what I packed for lunch…for a long time hahaha.